Why Do I Bother?

Thoughts of a Self-Published Author

I’ve been a published author for over 10 years now, and I’ve been self-publishing for nearly six years. Back when I was getting started, I guess I was jaded because I thought I’d have sold thousands of copies by now and be making a decent living off my books.

Boy, was I wrong. I don’t even make enough to pay for gas, let alone support my family in any meaningful way. It’s frustrating seeing measly dollars and cents going into my account each month. Sure, I’ve made miniscule progress, but I’m nowhere near where I dream of being in terms of book sales.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Why do I put in hours and hours of work into making these books, only for them to be forgotten in a saturated market, drowned out by hundreds of thousands of other books? Why do I torture myself so? I could just use that time for something else — something that won’t discourage me or make me question my sanity.

But there’s nothing else I love quite like writing. It’s something God placed inside me. It’s my passion. It makes my heart happy. Whenever I’m writing, all my worries fade away and the world stops turning. It’s just me and God and the words flying onto the page. It’s like coming home every single time. It’s what I was made to do.

So I can’t give up, no matter how futile it may seem at times. God is working in me and through me when I write, and that’s not something I could just throw away. He can plant seeds in people’s hearts. He can put my books in the hands of the people who need them. He can allow me to find success in ways I’ve never imagined. But only if I am obedient first. Only if I do the hard work and listen to the still small voice.

Maybe my vision for my books isn’t the same as God’s vision, but I trust that His vision is better. My definition of success needs to be molded and shaped by what matters the most to Him. Sure, it would be nice to make a living off my words, but that’s not the only measure of success. Using a gift the Lord has given me, glorifying Him while doing it, and praising Him regardless of the outcome — now, that sounds like success to me.